Mental wellness: When asking for help is seen as weakness

Maintaining good mental health enables us to cope with life's stresses, work effectively and contribute meaningfully to the community.

But what if the idea of even trying to get help when emotions are overwhelming is not an option because of fear of stigma?

Interestingly, mental health problems are more common among women than men, but this may be because men don't open up and seek help.

Mtaa Wangu spoke to three male students who shared their perspectives on why they are reluctant to open up about their mental health problems.

Collins Kamau, an IT student, highlighted the stigma surrounding men's mental health, which is often seen as a sign of weakness or lack of masculinity. 

I can't just tell someone I'm depressed, it's usually greeted with 'ni nini inakusumbua na wewe ni kijana mdogo bado,'" Kamau said. 

Relationships, he says, are the main cause of most male students' depression especially those in college.

He notes that most girls tend to judge them differently and harshly when they ask for help. Some go to the extent of breaking up with them.

"We are not encouraged to speak out, we need to feel more supported and connected than we currently are," he says.

A common misconception for men is that talking about mental health makes you appear needy, which is often met with sympathy rather than support. 

According to Kamau, many students avoid discussing these issues with their parents, who equate mental well-being with academic performance.

The 20-year-old highlights the lack of societal support for men and compares it to women, who typically receive more immediate help when they open up. 

Kamau admits that he would only seek therapy discreetly, avoiding any discussions with friends.

Communication and Media student Godfrey Bett echoes this sentiment, saying he would only consider seeking help as a last resort. 

"I wouldn't mind seeking help if things got really bad, but it's often hard to tell when it's that bad," Bett explains. 

He points out that societal expectations for men to be strong and independent has discourage them from seeking help.

"The hardest thing about our sadness is that we feel so alone, like no one else feels this way. When our grades go down, we feel like total failures. Everyone seems to be succeeding but us," says Bett.

This helplessness, he says, leads many male students into alcoholism and drug abuse, leading to addiction.

The 23-year-old calls for more open and supportive conversations to encourage young men to feel comfortable seeking help.

Eric Njoroge, 23, laughs when asked if he would seek help, noting that it's the norm for men to deal with problems on their own. 

"Most of us are programmed to take it and deal with it somehow. We manage, don't we?" Njoroge said. 

But for those who cannot cope, as Njoroge puts it, depression can lead to self-loathing, which leads to a spiral of shame, which leads to self-isolation and suicidal thoughts.

"A lot of parents don't talk to male students because they always say boys will be boys, right? As a result, most of their struggles go unspoken and unnoticed," he says. 

Njoroge adds that while the internet provides valuable information, it also contributes to some mental health problems because everyone on social media seems to be doing well.

Mental health encompasses the emotional, psychological and social states that profoundly influence our thoughts, feelings and actions.