My lonely Christmas: When you have to go through the festivities after losing loved ones
A photo of Samuel Ngugi.
For most people, the festive season is probably the best time of the year, simply because it is the time when they get to spend time with extended family members in upcountry.
It is also the time of year when individuals can indulge in a variety of food and drink that is usually prepared. And for those who work in the cities, well, they also get time to catch up with parents, aunts, uncles and cousins.
But for Samuel Ngugi, the season brings back less pleasant memories. We find him sitting alone in his dimly lit room, surrounded by memories of Christmases past. As he begins to speak, his voice carries the weight of loneliness.
"As the festive lights twinkle outside, the cheerfulness around me only deepens with an ache within. The holidays, once a tapestry of shared joy, now unravel into a solitary struggle. The absence of my parents' laughter echoes louder in these moments of supposed gaiety," says Ngugi.
The painful memories of losing his father and mother in 2006 and 2017 respectively are still fresh in his mind.
Losing both parents was a big blow for him as he was very close to them.
"The decorations, stored away year after year, now seem like artefacts of a bygone era. I find myself caught between the desire to honour our traditions and the painful reminder that those who made them special are no longer here," he laments.
He also notes that as the Christmas carols play softly, their melody can't drown out the absence of familiar voices as he remembers the days when he decorated the house with his parents.
"Each year it does not get better, as the unwrapping of presents is accompanied by an unspoken longing for the one gift that can never be replaced - the presence of my parents," he said.
"The loneliness intensifies as others celebrate with loved ones, leaving me to navigate the sea of memories that flood my mind. Even the joyous ringing of New Year's bells carries a hint of sadness, marking another chapter without their company," he shares.
But out of the shadows of grief has emerged a resilience, a determination to weave his parents' legacy into the fabric of every celebration.
"I light candles, not just to dispel the darkness, but as a tribute to the enduring love they gave me. The holidays, forever changed, now carry the weight of a bittersweet symphony - one that blends the pain of loss with the enduring melody of love," he said.