“I was molested both at home and school”: Men open up on their mental health struggles

For John* the past 28 years of his life have been full of tribulations.

From being molested by their house-help and later being defiled by school mate to losing his job and being dumped by the love of his life are experiences that define his pain and mental struggle.

When we caught up with him, he was still contending with joblessness after having recently been disengaged from his employment.

John worked as a psychologist in one of the clinics in Nakuru, but a poor returns pushed the clinic out of business.

The loss of job, however, only adds to the troubles John has had to endure.

John spent the better part of his life in Mombasa with his other who single handedly raised and fend for him.

As an accountant she would leave early in the morning for work and while at it she would leave her 9-year-old son in the custody of Tina, their house help.

But Tina turned out to be a pervert

“After my mother left, Tina would sexually molest me. She forced me to have an oral sex with her even when she was on her periods. Furthermore, she made me lick her used pads.

In addition to this she would insert a stick used in making chapati in my rear,” he narrates.  

She threatened him against reporting her to his mother.

John became terrified of her and the abuse continued for quite a while. John says he felt trapped in his thoughts and did not know who to turn to.

“One day my aunt dropped by our home and found us in the act. She secretly recorded us with her phone and sent it to my mom, who immediately came with the police and Tina was arrested and later convicted,” he says.

“I was taken to hospital severally and because I had suffered tears in my rectum, after this I expected my mum to bring me much closer to her but, she shipped me to a boarding school where things got worse. Here is where I developed the hate for women and I felt like all women were like her,” he laments.

John wipes his tears rolling down his cheeks as he reveals to us that he was sodomized by a fellow student who was older than him.

It took the intervention of another student whom he saw like his “godfather”. The protection was not for free, the godfather had him join a cult within the school so that he could protect him.
“During this time, my mother and I were not on talking terms, but I was closer to my father who I confided in him and I was able to get psychosocial support,” he says.

John explains that he managed to get to campus and he managed to graduate with a degree in psychology and counselling.

“After everything I had been through, I wanted my life to have meaning and to help those who would need someone to talk to and that is why I chose that course,” he says.

He was doing well until July this month when he lost his job. He also lost love after the woman he was dating left him.

In august this year Mercy through a phone conversation told him ‘Mwanaume mgani hana pesa, enda utafute pesa kama wenzako,’ before she left.

John says that currently he is still job hunting and he has sent out his resume to various institutions in the hope he gets a job.

John’s story is however, one of the many stories that were shared during the Mens Mental Health Matters conference that was held on December 5 at Agora Milimani.

Simon Thuo popularly known as Simor Music, who was one of the organizers, says that the main aim of the event was to create a safe space for men, where they can talk and have other men listen to them.

“We have never really had a space where men can freely interact and most men live in seclusion while they suffer and in the long run, we see how men are the ones who are really affected when it comes to issues pertaining to mental health, with the highest rate of suicides being among the men,” he says.

Simor says that they have three intentions: to talk about relationships, mental wellness and finances.

“We are looking forward to having more such conferences, inviting more men and having a space where we can come, talk and not feel judged. Also, in one way or another help each other in whichever and whatever way we can,” he says.