Nakuru's nightlife: Why I became a Ben 10
Ben 10s: This is why we date mumamas. Photo | Photosearch
Never in his wildest dreams did Paul*, a fitness trainer, think he would one day earn a title frowned upon by society.
It all started with a night out with his friends three years ago. That night would have a domino effect on his life, leading to him now being referred to as a male sugar baby or Ben 10.
Back then, when it all started, Paul reveals to me that he was a final year economics student at a popular university in Nakuru.
"I was having a drink with my friends in one of Nakuru's clubs when an expensive bottle of whisky, already paid for, was brought to our table. When we asked, the waiter pointed to a table where a middle-aged woman was sitting alone. We took it upon ourselves to invite her to join us out of courtesy for buying us a drink," explains Paul.
An innocent act of courtesy turned into a fun night out for Paul and his friends, who ended up exchanging numbers with the woman for future meetings.
"After two weeks I got a call from her asking me out for a drink. I didn't think much of the invitation, as the last time we met had been quite fun. We met for drinks and it went well. She offered to drop me home as I didn't live too far from the club and suggested a weekly meeting, which I didn't mind as I was getting free booze and good company all in one," Paul said.
"Soon I couldn't wait to meet her. After two months of weekly meetings, she sent Sh15,000 to my M-Pesa, which I of course returned thinking it was a false transaction. She called me soon after and told me it was a token of gratitude for being her friend and was meant for me to splurge on shopping."
This became a routine, with the woman sending Paul money on various occasions. And after a while, the relationship became intimate. As their relationship moved to the next level, the amount of money sent to Paul doubled.
"I noticed that every time we were intimate, she would send me money. After about five months of knowing each other, she officially asked me to be her sugar baby, stating that she would give me money and anything else I needed, but all she asked was that I be completely hers and not get involved with another woman. By that time I was in too deep to say no and to be honest I got some really good money which I still enjoy to this day," Paul said.
Being a Ben 10 is not as easy as Paul's story might suggest. He says you have to look the part.
"First of all, you have to be muscular and stick to tight shirts. Women love a good button-down shirt with the button halfway down to tease them a bit. If you have tattoos, they help too. Finally, don't be mean with your smile," Paul said.
Julie*, a self-proclaimed sugar mummy, confirms Paul's observations.
"As a sugar mummy, I and many others look for someone who is young, fit and very energetic. Good looks help, but it's not the most important thing," reveals Julie.
My conversation with Julie piques my interest and I end up asking how sugar mummies "hunt" their prey.
"It depends on the woman. Some of us prefer to 'hunt' alone because it's easier and we tend to go for boys who don't look well off. Our hunting grounds are mostly clubs and once we've found our prey, most of us want it all to ourselves," she answers after a hearty laugh.
Caroline Njuguna, a counsellor, warns that there are emotional consequences to having a sugar mummy.
"The biggest consequence for men with sugar mummies is that they are looking for emotional fulfilment. As a result, they won't be able to connect with younger partners who tend to demand a lot of affection and attention compared to older partners," Ms Njuguna said.