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Dating Scene: Why sex should not be the determining factor in a relationship

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New Content Item (1)
Photo credit: Shutterstock

By  DILIGENCE ODONGO

Correspondent

Mtaa Wangu

One evening I went to a local pub to watch a football match. At half time I ordered a cold drink while enjoying the music playing in the background. Next to me was a table with three men who seemed to be close friends, chatting very loudly.

I usually try my best not to eavesdrop, but as I said, the three men were very loud. They talked about many things, but what caught my attention was what Peter* said. Peter was telling his friends that he was in a new relationship.

Peter had been seeing this girl, Ashley*, for four months. When his friends asked him how the relationship was going, he replied, "Nampenda lakini I'm not happy," adding, "It's been four months and we haven't been intimate yet.

This revelation was greeted with shocked looks from his friends, followed by roars of laughter. One of the friends then asked, "Uko sure mnadate kweli?" The three men then laughed it off and soon half time was over and the game was back on the screen.

Peter's conversation with his friends left me with some burning questions. Is sex important enough to determine the status of a relationship? How soon should you be intimate with your partner?

According to society, men want sex earlier in a relationship to determine compatibility and chemistry with their partner. Also, men's biological make-up tends to drive their sexual urges.

However, my opinion on this, and I am not an expert on sex or relationships, is that sex is first and foremost personal before another person is brought into the equation. What do I mean by that? Sex in a relationship should only happen when you are ready for it.

Being ready can of course be determined by many things. Some of these are your values, your emotional connection or attraction and your faith, which over the years has begun to fade as a guide when it comes to influencing people's decision to have sex.

Once you've made a personal decision about when the right time is for you, don't forget to discuss it with your romantic partner. This should preferably be done before you decide to start a romantic relationship.

Why? To make sure you are both on the same page about whether sex is important to you in a relationship, how soon you should have it, and how often you want to have it.