Changing the rules of the game: Why men have stopped buying Valentine's Day gifts for their partners
Valentines Day is celebrated every year on February 14.
Had the Covid-19 pandemic not hit the country in 2020, leaving a trail of devastation that included hundreds of Kenyans losing their jobs, Samuel Wainaina might not have been among the men who decided to change the rules of tradition when it came to Valentine's Day.
For the past ten years of his relationship with his partner, he had always taken pride in selecting thoughtful gifts for his wife on this momentous day celebrated by lovers, but after the pandemic, finances became a constraint that challenged the traditions of love he held dear.
"The once extravagant expressions of love on Valentine's Day are now yielding to the harsh realities of a changed world. Most of the time, I find myself longing to give my wife a gift, but the weight of responsibility mutes that desire," Samuel said.
This has led him to rethink and invent other ways of expressing his love to his wife, despite not being able to afford material gifts, and to discover the profound value of presence and emotional support for his now growing family of four.
Solomon Mwangi, on the other hand, tells Mtaa Wangu that he has decided to do away with frivolous traditions and focus his energy on building a future with his partner.
"I only showered my girlfriend with gifts for the first year of our relationship, a deliberate effort to win her heart and create memories. But as the years went by, I chose a different path to build a future together," says Solomon.
He notes that he consciously shifted his focus to fostering a deeper connection. Instead of relying on gifts, he advocates a meaningful investment that he and his partner can venture into, such as real estate, to build the foundation of their dreams side by side.
"There is more to love than being bought flowers and taken to fancy dinners every year. Instead of wanting a man who just buys you flowers, you should want a man who wants to build a life together because that is important for the future," he said.
But despite the winds of change when it comes to the rules of love, this has not stopped women like Phydellis Wairimu from dictating new rules for themselves.
Instead of waiting for gestures of affection from their partners, they have started buying gifts for themselves.
"Tracing the lines of patterns that emerge from my past relationships, which usually end a month or two before Valentine's Day and always end with the same refrain 'I'm too demanding', I decided to embark on a journey of self-love where I give myself gifts," says Phydellis.
Although she is currently in a relationship, she notes that this year will be no different as she is not waiting for anyone to appreciate her as she is happy to do it herself as men today feel pressured in almost everything.
"Learning to appreciate myself is a ritual now, it started the day I realised that flowers are cheap, not like what men say. I also take myself out for special dinners for one, because I discovered that self-appreciation is not a sign of being a demanding woman, but a celebration of my worth," she said.